UNEMPLOYMENT TAX

Unemployment is a growth sector for the tax base which Slovenia ignores at our peril.

Each unemployed person supports the employment of up to 157 Slovenian bureaucrats in important tasks including:

# finding legalistic reasons to stop them getting anything

# writing disconnected telephone numbers on post-it notes

# sending the unemployee to the other office

# teaching him to look for jobs which don't exist

# telling people who've never done anything to write CVs

# training for Slovenia's Olympic rubber stamping team

# most vitally of all, the creative counting of unemployed people.

According to our audit there are currently only 13 unemployed people in Slovenia. The remaining unemployed have been reorganised into other statistical categories not counted as unemployed unless we need to for statistical purposes.

To finance tuning of these essential systems we propose a tax on unemployed people including those who do not count as unemployed for unemployment purposes, but who are nevertheless as idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean - or busy as bumblebees.

Busy unemployed people are a special danger to the workforce. All things should be done by employed people, as each thing done by an unemployed person takes away one thing that could be done by a taxpaying worker (except really worthwhile things which obviously, no-one will pay for).

But already employed people who take on a second job such as European Commissioner for Energy, to make ends meet, have the same unemployogenic effect.

So being employed does not mean you are not liable for Unemployment Tax. However, politicians will be exempt.

Any officially unemployed person who does anything should pay unemployment tax at a higher rate - including those who do not count as unemployed, because we feel like it now for statistical purposes.

Those who do not do anything will continue to have their welfare taken away. If their welfare was taken away already they will be able to defer their unemployment taxes until they are working or receiving welfare again. Just make sure they keep moving around.